| i have a blogspot. it's more ministry and life thoughts instead of 'here's what i did today'. (maybe it's my more grown up blog - probably not since i gave it that disclaimer)  if you have any interest in reading, i can give you the link. thanks! always,
abigail |
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| am i insightful and pensive...or am i up to something?
i wonder which of those is more my reality...while i think my old picture looked more like i was up to something, i feel like more of my life is spent being pensive, perhaps not insightful, but pensive.
maybe this sideways smile is the one my roommate sees when i start totell her something and i know i'm being ridiculous and saying things ina lame attempt to add dramatic effect (i fail almost always).
that being said, i wonder why i struggle so much with being honest withmy words...speaking what i truly do feel and not what i expect othersto expect me to feel. (does that make sense?) being okaywith saying 'i don't know.' being okay with the fact that i donot process quickly, so i don't have to answer right away.
yet i seem to waste so many hours comparing myself to others or trying to be what i think they want me to be?
just trying to 'be' is harder than it sounds. every impulse in me screams...'what can i do next?'
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| why is it so hard to live by grace? to live by faith? i struggle with people who say that the Christian life is just a simple plan, it's just easy if you are really in tune with God. i struggle when someone seems to have all the answers to life's questions, especially about God. I wonder if they live in reality. because reality is - even in the Christian realm - people hurt other people. we don't live out grace. we struggle to live in faith and let God be in control of our lives. it is so much easier for me to check out and try not to think about it...but ultimately it always blows up in my face...because when i try to make things happen myself, to do things first and then try to make that who i am...instead of just being, with God in control, realizing He is in everything, and that there is nothing i can do...period...outside of Him...when i do all that...that's when my sin comes out all the more clearly (just not to myself). "the Lord will fight for you...you need only to be still." |
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